Agenda.

Have you ever felt the Lord screaming at you through something? Before today I can honestly say I have never experienced that. I have felt the Lord calling to me, but never screaming at me to get my attention. 

Today in class we talked about sticking to God's agenda and not our own. I'm not going to lie, as soon as we started class I wanted to shut the book and go home. I knew this message was for me. 

For the past few weeks I have been so focused on my agenda and the things I have wanted. I have wanted a new car for a while now and began the search about a month ago. Things seemed to be falling into place, got approved for a loan, the payments were reasonable, my insurance wouldn't be too horrible. But I couldn't find a car that met the loan requirement, so I kept looking and looking. 

In the middle of this, my friend tells me she is moving to Texas in the fall and she thinks I should move with her. Yeah, sure. Just pick up everything and move, that doesn't seem scary at all. I told her sure, I'd pray about it and let her know. So with that on the back burner I continued my unsuccessful car search. I felt like I was getting no where. I was frustrated and confused. It seemed so right at the start and now I was no where closer to  getting a car. Even my friends were telling me that I needed to be sure that getting a car right now is the best thing. 

A few days ago I was doing my devotions and in the book it was saying how we need to be so unattached to the things of this world. Literally living with open hands so you could go to wherever the Lord wants you to go. Nothing holding you back to His calling. At that point I really started thinking about Texas and the door that the Lord might be opening. If I take out a loan for a car, I am tying myself up for 4 years, and I could be saying no to God. I don't want to ever put myself in a position to say no to God's will for my life. 

With today's lesson it really helped me finalize my decision on not getting a car at the moment. I can clearly see that it's not in God's agenda. I don't know if I am supposed to go to Texas or not, but what I do know is that I am free to go wherever He calls me. 

I hope that next time it won't take him screaming at me to get my attention. He has a plan, and I need to open up my heart, ears, and hands and just go. 

F o c u s.

Lately I've feeling like I have been falling away from the Lord. Not pulling away, just becoming lazy. I don't have that fire that I used to have. I see alot of areas in my life that need working on because I haven't place God at the center.

I look around me and I see so many people completely and totally in love with the Lord. I can see Him in every part of their lives. He just overflows from them! I want that more than anything right now. I don't know where to start and it completely overwhelming. I know He is always there and wants to know more about me. I just need to jump out and take His hand and go.

I feel like I have been putting so many things before Christ and I have been so unhappy with the results. Being a believer takes work and life won't be easy, and I know that I have been trying to take the easy way out.

I feel as if the Lord has been tugging on my heart for a while to jump out and do something. At first I was completely shut off to the idea, but as time has gone on I have begun to open up to it. I don't know where He is going to take me, and He will have to continue working on my heart. I want to be at that point where I say, here I am Lord. Take me.

I have always been a stubborn person, and the Lord has definitely been working on me to change that. I will never be perfect and there will always be things in my life that need working on. I just know that I need to start fresh and have the Lord be in ultimate control. It's easier said then done, but the Lord is always on my side whenever I need to call out to Him. 

He is the creator of the universe and has a plan for my life. I am so foolish for not always stepping out and trusting Him. I don't want this to be a battle anymore. I have been placed on this earth to worship and serve Him, and to reach those who haven't heard of Him. 

I feel as if I have missed out on so much because I haven't placed Him first. I know He can use me in big ways. I have to stop making it about me and focus only on Him. 

It's not about me. It's all about HIM. 

Struggles.

I haven't updated in a while and I figured it was about time. I also never know how to start these things. I kind of just want to dive into writing. But I feel like writing about a struggle I have been dealing with.

It is so difficult having an unbeliever as a close friend. Sometimes I feel like I am talking to a wall about my faith. This friend believes that God was here but then He decided to leave. I have shared my faith with her many times and she even went to church with me once but I feel like she doesn't get it. She doesn't understand that what she is hearing is the most important thing she will ever hear. It has no meaning to her. 

It is completely mind blowing to me that she as well as millions of other people believe this! They would rather believe that we exploded out of nowhere or evolved from monkeys. 

I don't know how people can look at the world and NOT see the Lord's hand in every part. Even though the world is pretty screwed up in some areas, I can always see God's hand working. 

I get frustrated with her because I feel as if she is so focused on herself and not the purpose of life. She talks about making sure she is happy and it doesn't matter what happens to other people. 

I know I am no where near being a perfect person, and I have definitely put myself before others at times. My heart breaks over the fact that she doesn't care for the people around her. The impact she could be making on people's lives is lost since she is concerned about herself. 

I love her and want her to put her faith in the Lord. I hope I am being an example of Jesus and that one day she will see Him through me.