Truth.

So tonight I started reading Radical by David Platt. Woah. I literally read 7 pages and already had to stop and think for a minute. He said something that really hit me.

"I couldn't help but think that somewhere along the way we had missed what is radical about our faith and replaced it with something comfortable. We were settling for a Christianity that revolves around catering to ourselves when the central message of Christianity is actually about abandoning ourselves."

That's the problem with the American church today. We are so concerned about ourselves that we are missing the whole point of why Jesus came. He came to reach the lost, broken, abandoned, and hurt. To love them, unconditionally. To show them His love. 

I think alot of the time we tend to not treat people like actual people. Just because they don't have a job, a home, or haven't showered in awhile doesn't mean that we shouldn't love them. They are people and more importantly they are God's children. Just like you and I. 

This is my point of view and I am not saying every single believer out there is like this, but. I think alot of believers do the "believer" thing. Go to church on Sundays, hang out with strong Christian friends throughout the week, and maybe go to church on Wednesday nights. Now I am not saying anything is wrong with that, in fact I think it's great to do those things. But the problem I see, is that we just keep getting feed and we aren't turning around and feeding others. We are being greedy and selfish. We think that someone else can go serve the homeless, or go to a foreign country to preach the good news, or someone else can help clean up after the church function, etc. 

God has called us to go out and share His love! To every single person! Time is running out and the end is near. So many people are lost in this world, and we as the Church are sitting here not doing what we could be doing. So many people look at the Church, whether good or bad. Eyes are always on us! So shouldn't we be loving on the people that we encounter? Just pouring out unconditional love and helping in every way that we can?

Now I also think that so many people take this to the extreme. & what I mean by that is that people tend to sugarcoat Biblical truths and twist them to fit their lifestyles. Yes we should love people, even when they don't believe what we know and believe is true. But we are in no way allowed to change what the Bible says. The Bible is black and white. No grey areas! We, as foolish humans, make grey areas so we can justify what we do. We need to stop being so concerned about creating that warm fuzzy feeling for people in church. We shouldn't be concerned about whether our friends will accept us or the number of people we have in our church service. Christ didn't call us to be popular or to be liked. He called us to preach His word and to love His people. 

Just look at the life of Paul. First He was persecuting the Christians! Then he became a believer and went and spread the word. He was in jail who knows how many times. He was persecuted, and you know what? He didn't care! He continued to preach the Word and love on the people. He gave them the black and white truth. 

No more grey areas. Just black and white. & just unconditional love. Like the love He gives us. 

Realization.

Round 2 of goodbyes took place this past Sunday. Man, they just don't get easier. 

It's funny how you really take for granted the friendship you have when the person is always right there. Then when they pick up and leave, you kind of feel empty a little bit. You don't realize how attached you become to that person. 

When my sister left almost a week ago, it was really hard. I mean, it's my sister! She's been there since the beginning. I could always go to her if I needed help with something or just to talk. Now it's weird since she isn't right here. 

I thought that when she left it would be the worst of it. It would get easier as people continued to leave. Then Seth left. Waterworks galore. 

The impact these 2 people have had on my life is tremendous. Not only did they both help me back in February, but they have been such amazing examples of Christian character. 

My sister has always been an amazing role model for me. Whatever she did, she did it her absolute best and always seemed to have it under control. & she always was focused on God's will for her life. 

& Seth has been an amazing example of what I would want in a Godly husband. He is just so focused on God's plan for his life and what the future holds for him and his wife. I am so glad that God has blessed me with both of them in my life. 

Well the whole point of this isn't to boast about the people in my life (ha!) but it is because I realized how much I take for granted the people in my life. The people God has put right beside me to help guide me and shape me. I couldn't be more grateful. I realized that I should cherish the people in my life, because as life goes on we all might grow apart. & I want to look back and know that I really held them close.

& the more I think about it the more I realize how much I take God for granted. I mean I know He will always be there, no matter what. & because I know that, I think I tend to push Him to the side. If I am pushing the people who are "in my face" all the time, then for sure I am doing the same to Him. How awful that is.  

Even though everyone leaving is really sad and I will miss them all terribly, I think it is good in the sense that it has made me realize that I need to be treasuring my Savior. & I need to be focusing solely on Him and His will for my life. 

l o v e

So I read the book "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. Let's just say it was an amazing book and it definitely got my mind thinking. It talks about God's crazy insane love that he has for us. Not just me, but for the whole entire world. That thought right there still blows my mind. It also talks about how since God has this crazy love for us shouldn't we being pouring out that love to the people around us. It kind of stopped me in my tracks. 

I decided to look up the actual meaning of love. 

love

 noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.

–noun

1.

a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2.

a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

After reading that I realized that I haven't been pouring out love to the people I encounter. I don't care for them. My actions speak definitely louder than my words, and I know they are not matching to what God wants for this world. Every person I encounter was created and is loved by God. The same God I worship, love, and adore. I am supposed to be an example to the people around me, yet I get so wrapped up in myself that I forget the purpose of why I am here. To spread the Word of His name around and to love people. 

Between work,  church, and everyday life I encounter so many different people every single day. What kind of impact am I making? I don't want to just go on in this life being satisfied and get stuck in the same spot. I want to always have that desire to want to reach and help those in need. To love them and to truly care for them. 

I was blessed enough to grow up in a Christian family and have loving parents who shared the story of Jesus with me. So many people don't have that. They don't have someone who loves them enough to share that with them. How heart breaking that is! 

God submerges us in his love everyday and I know that I don't deserve it at all. But He gives it freely. No matter how many mistakes I make or what I do, He will always love me.

I want to share that love with the people I encounter. 

Unconditional. Never ending. True love. God's love.

"I believe He wants us to love others so much that we go to extremes to help them."
— Francis Chan

Free yet in chains.

Tonight I was able to go out to dinner with some great friends of mine. Whenever we get together we always have a great time. Just great food, conversation, and friends. I really enjoy it. 

Well near the end of the evening one of my friends told us how she had gone to a mormon church the previous Sunday for a dedication for her close friends child. She said she was sitting there in the service and was just overwhelmed with the fact that every single person in that building was lost. Completely and totally blinded by what their elders have been teaching them their wholes lives. They have grown up in a church, just like I had, and they believe that what they have learned is the truth. I am so grateful to have been born into a strong Christian family who has raised me to live by the Truth of Christ.

I did some research and there are over 13 MILLION mormons in the world. That is 13 MILLION people who are lost and without Christ. Every single one of those people will go to Hell if someone doesn't share the love of Christ with them. When I read that fact  my mind couldn't comprehend that. 

Here I am in America, free to believe whatever I want. I choose to believe the Truth because I know it's True. But there are so many more people over that 13 million who are lost. Yet I sit here day in and day out without a care for them. Yes I am polite and do have a love for people. But how deep is that love truly? If I loved them why wouldn't I want to share that with them? What a fool I've been! 

I know alot of people feel like they have to go out of country to be a missionary. & I definitely support that! I went on an out of country mission trip back in 2007 and loved every minute. I fully support any person who goes on a mission trip, no matter where it is. But I feel like my purpose is to be a missionary here. In my city. Loving on the people that I am surrounded by. 

I don't know if God will send me to another state or even to another country. But what I do know is that I am surrounded by lost people everyday. They need Jesus just as much as the people in Uganda, or Germany. Wherever. But I know that if I can step out of my comfort zone here at home I can do it anywhere. 

I want God to use me wherever He needs me. I want to share His love like there's no tomorrow. 

Uncertain.

The other night it hit me. Everyone is leaving. My sister is moving for 4 months & then is probably going back to school. My best friend is moving to go to Bible college in the fall. One of my best guy friends is moving to WA in June for school. One of my other friends in moving for the summer.
They are all leaving.
They have plans.
A goal in their life.
& I am here. Without a clue.
I don't know what I should be doing and where God wants me.

I definitely feel like school is not my calling, & I do have the strong desire to be married & have kids. But as of now I am single, & I know marriage won't be for a while.
Where does He want me? What is His will for my life?
I feel so lost & confused. I don't want to waste my life and get stuck in this cycle of life. Just doing the same thing day after day. I want to do something that will better the Kingdom and glorify His name.

I mean I go to work and church. I volunteer when I can. I hang out with my friends. Nothing exciting. I feel like I am not making the impact on this world that I could be. Yes, when I do things I do them to the best of my ability and do them for His glory. But I feel like I could be doing so much more.

I know in time He will show me, it just takes patience. But my human nature keeps taking over and I want to know. In time.

Done with the motions.

So today on my way to work I was thinking about everything that has happened in the last month or longer and all the time I wasted on something so meaningless. Something that made me happy, yet it didn't better the Kingdom. Not that what happened was sinful or something, but I wasted almost 3 months and I wasn't fully focused on God. 

While I was thinking about this, the perfect song came on the radio. The Motions by Matthew West. Here are the lyrics that hit home.

I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,

"What if I had given everything,

instead of going through the motions?"

And I realized that during those 3 months I was just going through the motions with Christ. Giving my all to this relationship that ended in disaster and heartbreak when Christ was longing for my all.  I am so glad I realize that now and I now want to stop going through the motions and what His consuming passion to be inside of me at all times. 

The amazing thing is, is that even though I wasn't consuming myself with Christ during that time I know God can put me right back on track and He is longing to take me back. 

Now, I am definitely not saying that I turned my back on my faith. I just wasn't putting Christ in the center of my life, and I know if I had been doing that my eyes would have been opened to the things that were happening. 

So even though my heart was broken, I am now turning this into something that can be used for God's glory. I am done going through the motions. My life is going to be consumed in His passion and desire to help this lost world. I want every area of my life to glorify Christ and to better the Kingdom. No matter what the cost. He gave His all and I want to give my all back to Him even though it is nothing compared to the gift He gave. I am forever grateful. 

Not torn down.

I really wish you would stop acting like you are the victim. I wasn't the one who lied about everything. I was the one who was hurt. You may have lost me, but that is nothing compared to what I have been through.

I also wish you would stop pretending like everything is back to normal. They aren't and won't be for a while. So show some emotion and deal with this. You running away and hiding behind your excuses is doing nothing. 

Stop using the things people have said about contacting me to not fix things. Use your head. I do need to hear your reasons for doing everything you did. Everyone knows that. So man up and do that. 

You are such a fool. The more I think about it, the more I realize how blinded I was. You did not treat me at all with respect and or as if you cared for me. How could I have been so dumb!? Or better yet how could you have been so dumb!

I don't think I am some amazing girl who deserves the world, but I do deserve more than you gave me. I am still human and have emotions. You can not still walk all over me and have control over me. 

I poured my heart into that relationship only for you to take everything I was giving and give nothing back.

How many times did I wait for you? Looking like a fool in the whole.

How many things did I pay for? You did take us out a few times, but I can assure you that I paid for more things. How many times did we use my car? How many times did I miss things with my friends for you? I changed my work schedule so we could be in a Bible study together. 

So many things, and I am only starting to realize them now.

My heart is still sad, but that sadness has started to fade and it is starting to turn into anger. How could you have done this to me? I didn't and don't deserve it. No one does. It makes me angry that you won't even respond to explain the things I need to understand. That is the very least you can do for me. Yet, you haven't done and the dare to say that you just don't understand the female mind. You do understand. Stop playing dumb.

I know you haven't changed, so this is it. I am done with you. We will never be together ever again. Maybe a long way down the road we could maybe be friends. But I can never be friends with a liar. You have been given time to change. You have lost your friends as well as your girlfriend, and yet you continue  destroying your life and the people in it. You are a fool and I have no clue what it will take for you to change. I have been praying for God to break you and for you to turn from your ways and start fresh. That's all I can do. 

This is my fresh start. I am not broken. I am healing.