Agenda.

Have you ever felt the Lord screaming at you through something? Before today I can honestly say I have never experienced that. I have felt the Lord calling to me, but never screaming at me to get my attention. 

Today in class we talked about sticking to God's agenda and not our own. I'm not going to lie, as soon as we started class I wanted to shut the book and go home. I knew this message was for me. 

For the past few weeks I have been so focused on my agenda and the things I have wanted. I have wanted a new car for a while now and began the search about a month ago. Things seemed to be falling into place, got approved for a loan, the payments were reasonable, my insurance wouldn't be too horrible. But I couldn't find a car that met the loan requirement, so I kept looking and looking. 

In the middle of this, my friend tells me she is moving to Texas in the fall and she thinks I should move with her. Yeah, sure. Just pick up everything and move, that doesn't seem scary at all. I told her sure, I'd pray about it and let her know. So with that on the back burner I continued my unsuccessful car search. I felt like I was getting no where. I was frustrated and confused. It seemed so right at the start and now I was no where closer to  getting a car. Even my friends were telling me that I needed to be sure that getting a car right now is the best thing. 

A few days ago I was doing my devotions and in the book it was saying how we need to be so unattached to the things of this world. Literally living with open hands so you could go to wherever the Lord wants you to go. Nothing holding you back to His calling. At that point I really started thinking about Texas and the door that the Lord might be opening. If I take out a loan for a car, I am tying myself up for 4 years, and I could be saying no to God. I don't want to ever put myself in a position to say no to God's will for my life. 

With today's lesson it really helped me finalize my decision on not getting a car at the moment. I can clearly see that it's not in God's agenda. I don't know if I am supposed to go to Texas or not, but what I do know is that I am free to go wherever He calls me. 

I hope that next time it won't take him screaming at me to get my attention. He has a plan, and I need to open up my heart, ears, and hands and just go. 

F o c u s.

Lately I've feeling like I have been falling away from the Lord. Not pulling away, just becoming lazy. I don't have that fire that I used to have. I see alot of areas in my life that need working on because I haven't place God at the center.

I look around me and I see so many people completely and totally in love with the Lord. I can see Him in every part of their lives. He just overflows from them! I want that more than anything right now. I don't know where to start and it completely overwhelming. I know He is always there and wants to know more about me. I just need to jump out and take His hand and go.

I feel like I have been putting so many things before Christ and I have been so unhappy with the results. Being a believer takes work and life won't be easy, and I know that I have been trying to take the easy way out.

I feel as if the Lord has been tugging on my heart for a while to jump out and do something. At first I was completely shut off to the idea, but as time has gone on I have begun to open up to it. I don't know where He is going to take me, and He will have to continue working on my heart. I want to be at that point where I say, here I am Lord. Take me.

I have always been a stubborn person, and the Lord has definitely been working on me to change that. I will never be perfect and there will always be things in my life that need working on. I just know that I need to start fresh and have the Lord be in ultimate control. It's easier said then done, but the Lord is always on my side whenever I need to call out to Him. 

He is the creator of the universe and has a plan for my life. I am so foolish for not always stepping out and trusting Him. I don't want this to be a battle anymore. I have been placed on this earth to worship and serve Him, and to reach those who haven't heard of Him. 

I feel as if I have missed out on so much because I haven't placed Him first. I know He can use me in big ways. I have to stop making it about me and focus only on Him. 

It's not about me. It's all about HIM. 

Struggles.

I haven't updated in a while and I figured it was about time. I also never know how to start these things. I kind of just want to dive into writing. But I feel like writing about a struggle I have been dealing with.

It is so difficult having an unbeliever as a close friend. Sometimes I feel like I am talking to a wall about my faith. This friend believes that God was here but then He decided to leave. I have shared my faith with her many times and she even went to church with me once but I feel like she doesn't get it. She doesn't understand that what she is hearing is the most important thing she will ever hear. It has no meaning to her. 

It is completely mind blowing to me that she as well as millions of other people believe this! They would rather believe that we exploded out of nowhere or evolved from monkeys. 

I don't know how people can look at the world and NOT see the Lord's hand in every part. Even though the world is pretty screwed up in some areas, I can always see God's hand working. 

I get frustrated with her because I feel as if she is so focused on herself and not the purpose of life. She talks about making sure she is happy and it doesn't matter what happens to other people. 

I know I am no where near being a perfect person, and I have definitely put myself before others at times. My heart breaks over the fact that she doesn't care for the people around her. The impact she could be making on people's lives is lost since she is concerned about herself. 

I love her and want her to put her faith in the Lord. I hope I am being an example of Jesus and that one day she will see Him through me. 

Jumping into the unknown.

I haven't updated in a while and figured it was about time. 

I feel as if I am slowly losing control of things. I don't know where I am headed in life, where He wants me, if I am in the right place, if I am doing everything I should be doing. 

I work full time and I love my job, but is the job that I am doing helping the Kingdom? Am I really doing the best job I can to reach the lost? Of course I know that I can be a witness to my coworkers and the customers I encounter everyday, but there are so many countries and people groups out there who have never heard.

My best friend came home from college about a week ago and showed me this website that shows all the different countries and what religions a country believes. I was speechless when I saw how many countries aren't Christian. I mean, I guess I have always know that there are lost people out there but I never truly thought about it. Whole countries are lost and not just a portion of it. Some countries are 99.9% of one religion. The country Mauritania is 99.8% Islam. India is 80.9% Hindu. China is 47.6% non religious. There are so many more countries that are lost. The website is here so you can see it for yourself. 

http://www.joshuaproject.net/countries.php?rog3=CH

We are living in a world where we can pretty easily jump on a plane and in a day or 2 be on the other side of the world. Where we can share the Word of God. Yes, sometimes we do have restrictions, but we are living in a pretty developed world and yet there are so many lost people still out there. The IMB has made budget cuts and have to bring missionaries stateside. That is completely mind blowing to me that we have to bring them home. We need to be sending people out by the boat loads. We need to be out sharing the Word here in the states. So many people lost and yet we have to bring people back.

 

I am guilty of being apart of not being 100% supportive of missions. I don't blink when it comes to buying a coffee from Starbucks or  new shirt, but sometimes when it comes to giving to missions I am a little hesitant. I have always had a heart for missions, but lately I feel like that part of my heart is fading. I don't want it to, I need to get it back. I need to throw myself into missions. 

So back to my original thought. What am I doing with my life to help the reach unbelievers? I know the Lord can use me wherever I'm at, and He might have me here for a reason. But I don't want to be helping my self before reaching and helping others. I feel as if I get so easily caught up in the things of this world that I lose focus on why I am here. To share His love. It's not about the money I make, or the car I drive, or what type of purse I have. I am here to bring Glory to the Lord and to share His love with the people. 

I am so scared of stepping up and letting it all go. But I feel as if that's where the Lord is leading me. I know He will guide me and equip me to do this. I know I am going to have to take this one step at a time.

Here. We. Go. 

Rain, Grace, & His love.

The past couple of weeks the weather has been amazing. The high has been between 75 and 85, so perfect. What's even more perfect is the fact that we have been getting alot of rain! Tonight we had an amazing storm. 

It started with a little bit of thunder and lightening, then a little bit of sprinkling. Not much, but I wasn't complaining. So Anns and I decided to go outside and enjoying the rain while it lasted. We were joking about how we thought God should open up the flood gates. Not even 5 minutes later after a few loud cracks of thunder and flashes of lightning, it began to rain. No, pour. Just this drenching rain that was probably one of the most amazing things I have experienced. 

I love everything about the rain! The cool feeling, the thunder, the lightning, the big black clouds, the way it smells, the rainbow afterwards, how everything looks clean when it's done. 

It's beautiful.

So as Anns and I are literally dancing in the rain, I realized that just like rain was pouring down on me, God pours out His love and grace on us. In every way shape and form. Sometimes, we feel like He just sprinkles it on us but then it pours. And we can't get enough of it. How awesome and mighty He is, and how He makes me speechless everyday. 

Just like the rain, I can't get enough of my Jesus. 

Distractions.

As usual an idea for a blogged happened while I was sitting in church. 

Last Sunday started off just like every other Sunday. Sunday school went well, except for the usual lack of talk. [I'm surprised I haven't blogged about that one yet] 

Then service started. Opening time, meet & greet, sing some songs, and then the sermon. 

Every week, without fail, as soon as Pastor Hoyt starts preaching people seem to lose focus. It starts off small with a few people trying to get settled with their papers and pens. Then a quarter of the way through people begin to get up and down. More papers rustling as well as one of the doors shutting. Then you have the cell or two go off about half or three-fourths through. Of course it wouldn't be a service without a baby crying during the service now would it? 

You might call me picky, or even negative at this point but here's my thoughts. 

Why do people feel the need to come to church and be a distraction? That may not be their intention, but it seems as if its the same people week after week who are causing a stir. Why are they not thinking outside of their personal bubble and thinking that they could be distracting others? 

I know, I know. We all have been a distraction at one point or another. But, have we have actually stopped and thought that we could be preventing others from doing something. Distractions are going to happen wherever we go, but you would think in church that there would be less. I would hope that we are all there to learn more about God and His will for His Kingdom. Sadly, it seems the opposite of that. 

Why are people not turning of their cell phones, putting their babies in the nursery, going to the bathroom beforehand, or fixing their papers? Why? 

I don't get it. 

I realize that I have indeed been one of those people. I hope that now that I am aware of what it does to me when people do that I can now focus on not being a distraction. I mean the whole meaning of a distraction is taking someone's full attention away from something. 

I just want to be able to sit down in a service and be able to actually focus on what's being preached. 

Callmecrazy.

I probably shouldn't be writing this, but I feel like I need to. 

It's been almost 8 months and you are still in my thoughts every single day. I don't know why, but it's like I can't push you out. 

I am no longer bitter about everything that happened, my heart still hurts and I don't know when or if it will fully heal. 

Something everyday reminds me of you or a memory we had together. It could be the slightest thing such as driving in my car or something someone says. I often think about that night and there are so many things I wish I could have said. But I know that the Lord gave me the words I said for a reason. 

I don't know if you are experiencing the same thing, and part of me wants to say you aren't. I still feel as if I was the one most effected about everything that happened. I doubt I will ever find out and that's probably a good thing. I don't think I need to know. Knowing would bring up more memories and the bitterness would come back.

I hope you have changed and let God take control in your life. He is still healing me and I know He can heal you too. What happened changed me and I know it was for the better. I have grown so much closer to the Lord because of it. I was relying on you and I needed to be relying on Him.